Sadness Is...........

Okay so I pushed it off long enough.....I'M SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have tried to avoid the pit that has been in my stomach and really only complained about it to Trina and My hubby, but it no longer seems sufficient. I told myself that I wasn't going to blog about it because that would make it real when I finally read it out loud or maybe because I didn't even want to go that in depth in my mind, but it is what I'm feeling. And that is what this blog is for, right?? I mean this is about my life and there is a MAJOR change that has occurred and I can't pretend that it hasn't effected me.
I feel like I could cry as I type and if anybody knows me at all then they know I am not a crier. However I have broke out of my little mold because I have shed many tears over this move. It is crazy because I have moved so much when I was a child that I think I kinda became numb to it but then again I was the one always leaving.....Not this time. I am the one left behind and maybe that makes it worse or maybe not. It doesn't matter because it still hurts.
It is no secret that Trina is one of my best friends and that her leaving leaves a huge whole in my world. At first I was kinda angry and thought why did I allow myself to be so entangled in someone else's world. She was not my immediate family ...why was I sooo attached?? However it was out of my control because the Lord had a hand in this friendship. The chances of us living in the same town for the rest of our lives were slim to none, even though that would have me one happy lady. But reality hit and it didn't happen. And now the Lord was expecting us to add another dimension to our friendship...distance. My next feeling was complete sadness........ And that is where I have been for days now and probably will be for sometime.
It is not like she is JUST a friend to me, we have way more of a bond, for lack of a better word, and even though she is gone we will always have that. When we first met and really got a chance to get to know each other we just clicked. I knew that it was a gift from the Lord. When I first started coming to our church I would look around and see all the girls who had these great friends who they would giggle with, and share things with and I so wanted that. Then a few years later and after Rusty and I had been married she moved back to our part. Some major relationship changes were going on with me and I know the Lord knew I was starting to feel alone. So the Lord answered my prayer, not when I asked, but when I needed it and I am so THANKFUL that he is aware of me and brought her into my life. From there I guess as they say .. the rest is history.
Sure we have our silly times, okay a lot of silly times, but we also have had many, many spiritual conversations, times when we have just laid it all on the table and we both walked away stronger and closer for it. She has taught so much about who I want to be and the example she is...well bottom line is because of her I am a better sister in the faith, wife to my hubby, and mommy to my kids. Her laughter will forever stay in my heart as well as the friendship that we established. Not only did the Lord grant me a friend who feels way more like a sister than I can ever explain, but he also allowed us enough time for it to form and blossom and for that I am also very thankful.
Great friends are hard to find but lifetime friends are almost extent in these days...she walked into my life at the perfect time and even though our last minutes trips to the park with a chai in our hands, our spontaneous Wal-Mart runs, our lunches at the local Mexican restaurant, and our movie dates are all gone.. I know that the Lord allowed us to become irreplaceable in each others lives for a reason. So, for now I will continue feeling sad and sometimes lonely but in time that will lessen, because really nothing has changed except for a little geography.
I Love You Trina Leah!!
BTW..Is it wrong that I miss you already??..hehe